What If It’s True?

First published March 1, 2018.

Most of us think we’re open-minded and good at taking feedback. Usually we aren’t. We get defensive.

When feedback touches something we believe, we start looking for reasons it’s wrong right away.

Sometimes it is wrong. It might be true for the person giving it and still not true in general. But sometimes it’s right.

To stay open, I try to ask one question first: What if it’s true?

That’s where you start. You don’t attack the person who said it. You don’t fall apart either. You set your feelings aside long enough to look at it honestly.

Once you’ve looked at it, you can feel what you feel. Emotion matters. Just don’t let it decide how you respond.

If the feedback is true, now you know. That’s the first step to getting better.

Why it’s so hard to hear

I’ve never met anyone who thinks they’re perfect. We all know we have room to improve. Yet we resist hearing it.

Maybe we’re so hard on ourselves that we have nothing left when someone else points something out.

So be kind to yourself. You’re doing better than you think. You also aren’t as good as you will be. Hold both. Be grateful for how far you’ve come, and keep wanting to grow.

It works for teams too

The same question helps a leadership team. When someone says a plan isn’t working, asking “What if it’s true?” keeps the room from defending the plan before anyone understands the problem.